When they submitted their paperwork to China, about the same time as us, I'm sure they too were told it would be maybe a year to 1.5 year wait.
Almost 4 years later...they still wait. And my heart aches for them.
Yes, we are still waiting too, but we have a daughter keeping us busy and preoccupied. And if I've learned anything as I've gotten older, it's to not wish away the time. So we haven't been. We are accepting that it is just taking longer this time, we can't control it, and are trying to enjoy every minute we have as a family of three.
But waiting 4 years for your first child? It's heart breaking. And having to wait unbelievably long, after most likely experiencing infertility issues. And time spent preparing paperwork. And time spent saving enough money to begin. And scraping together money for renewing paperwork. How can you not wish away time waiting for your first child?
It's supposed to be an exciting, invigorating, magical time. It is, at the beginning, and it revs up again at the end when you are next up to be matched with a child and can see and feel the finish line. And of course seeing your child's photo for the first time, holding your child for the first time, and landing back home as a larger family is a whole good adrenaline rush.
But for those waiting, in between is painful.
In between is wondering if it will all be worth it (it is), wondering if it will actually happen (it will), wondering if you are the only one in pain (you aren't), wondering if non-adopters understand (sometimes they don't), or wondering if others say insensitive things on purpose (let's hope not!).
In between is thinking you might be getting too old to pull this off. I am a late bloomer. I married at 40, adopted our first daughter at 43, and now at 49 I'm looking at my 50th birthday right about the time we should be adding daughter #2.
In between is grieving those months lost to waiting. Grieving what could have been.
In between are the "what ifs". What if we had chosen a different country? What if we had started sooner? What if we chose the special needs route? What if we dropped out?
In between is reading books, watching films, attending workshops to learn how to parent an adoptive child, only to have to start over because it's all a faded memory.
In between is your relatives dying, never getting to meet their new grandchild, niece, nephew, or cousin.
In between is regret, for not getting all the well intended projects done, not getting the weight lost, not spending time in general more wisely during this wait.
In between is h.a.r.d.
I wish I could make it all better, but I can't. But I can let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. To those first time parents who are waiting, know that there are others hoping and praying for you. We may not have met, but we do know the longing in your heart. Please know you are not alone.
Sending lots of hugs to you!
4 comments:
Very well written...I just wrote on my blog before I read yours about us still waiting..and I was complaining about our homestudy...I know we will have her home by the end of the year.....Thanks for the reminder that there are others out there that have been waiting far longer then I
I can't imagine having to wait years and years. It must be terribly frustrating.
My prayers to this couple and for all of you that are waiting for your daughters to come home.
((Hugs))
Laura
Oh Nancy- I do feel so bad for the couples that are adopting their first child and have gotten caught up in this crazy slow down with referrals.
These dear families need their children in their arms and home. I hope and pray that Ch*na speedS up in the very near future so others don't have to be put through this- TORTURE...
You have had to wait too long, too. We need your precious baby girl home asap!
Well said. Hugs & prayers to all of you longing to hold that special little child in your arms, just out of reach, but still so close!
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